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I’ve been caught in a lie

Saturday is a must-win for our sanity.

NCAA Basketball: Penn State at Illinois Mike Granse-USA TODAY Sports

A truly terrible fact was pointed out to me by our own Steve Braun a couple of days ago. It turns out that in fact, Illinois might not be the best 10-16 team of all time. In reality, it may be the upcoming opponent for the Fighting Illini, the Penn State Nittany Lions.

But how could this be? I wrote it down. IN OUR TWITTER BIO.

I wouldn’t dare lie to you, dear reader! I wouldn’t abuse my power as a sports blogger like that. This is a relationship built on trust and I always tell the truth, even when I’m lying to make a joke. I wouldn’t lie to you. I wouldn’t dare as a serious blogger.

Black Shoe Diaries ain’t making a claim, so this is settled right?

Penn State started 0-10 in Big Ten play and Pat Chambers looked to be a dead man walking. All four total Penn State basketball fans were in tatters.

Sure, Illinois started out poorly, but after a four-game winning streak with triumphs over Michigan State and Maryland, it became clear that Illinois was much better than its record and the team that no one wants to play in the Big Ten. Illinois is now playing like a top-25 team since late January. BEST BAD TEAM OF ALL-TIME WOOO!

But alas, Illinois fans cannot have nice things. Not even the title of being the best of the bad.

Penn State and Illinois both have 10-16 records. However, as I sadly realized, in Kenpom Penn State is ranked 48, and Illinois is ranked....62.


Am I a liar? Are we all? Have we been blinded by our arrogance to take the title of best 10-16 team of all-time?

No it can’t be. It’s not like Penn State has beaten anyone. We’ve played one of the toughest schedules in the entire country! There must be a mistake!

Oh...we’ve played the third-toughest schedule in Kenpom and Penn State has played the second.

Ok then, sure we lost to FAU (153), Xavier (94) and Mizzou (96), but they lost to Bradley (177) and DePaul (119)! WHO LOSES TO DEPAUL????

Sure they beat Virginia Tech and Michigan, but we beat MSU and Maryland and Ohio State!

This is just a mistake. Kenpom is on the sauce again. Let’s check out the other rankings. How about the awful NET rankings that Nate Silver called “the worst rankings I’ve ever seen in any sport, ever,” but if they are good enough for the NCAA, they are good enough for me.

Ok, so....Penn State....63! Great we can beat 63!

Let’s see....

....oh no.....


Ok then screw the NET rankings too. They are just going to lead to huge arguments and controversies about teams being left out. THE SYSTEM MAKES NO SENSE WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?


Damn it, we are going old school. We are going to go to the god damn RPI that’s what we’re going to do. And yes there are still sites that update RPI.

Penn State......105. Huzzah! Hell yeah RPI! I always knew it was a mistake to get rid of you. You may seem antiquated and outdated from other more advanced models, but you were always the No. 1 in my heart. I love you, RPI.

Ok, let’s just take a look at the Illini here, surely they are at least 90, I mean, we easily beat MSU at home and won a neutral site against Maryland and on the road at OSU. There’s no way. We got them here!


....oh no.....

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no



I am a liar. A fraud. A disgrace.

Illinois basketball is not the best 10-16 team of all time. The Penn State Nittany Lions are.

I have betrayed your trust dear reader. I’ve lost my integrity. I hope that you can forgive me. I hope that I will be able to forgive myself.

There is now only one thing left to do...

Beat Penn State on Saturday to become the best 11-16 team of all time.


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