“To thy happy children of the future / Those of the past send greetings”
We love Illinois sports here at TCR. You may disagree with us, we may have some terrible takes, and we may be too critical or too positive in your eyes. But you can’t deny that we love Illinois athletics.
Especially Illinois Basketball.
And that may be confusing when it’s late December and our Twitter account is cursing out Kipper Nichols because he isn’t playing defense, or telling DaMonte Williams to shoot that open three-pointer. But we are only criticizing them out of love. Like a parent who wants to see their child reach their full potential and reach ultimate glory.
However, only WE get to criticize them. No other fans of other schools, or national writers get to come take shots at our players. And if they do? We will be going to bat for them, even if we spewed a similar take weeks earlier.
Those are our sons you’re talking about.
Trent Frazier: Our thirstiest, highest scoring son
Trent is a lightning rod. He’s our most popular son who’s always putting on a show and grabbing the other parents’ attention.
Andres Feliz: Our most underrated, Dominican son
Feliz is good. He’s going to be very good in this backcourt. Illini fans may end up taking him for granted. Hopefully he doesn’t resent us for that later in life.
Ayo Dosunmu: Our most talented son
Ayo Dosunmu is the highest-rated prospect on this team. It’s like your one kid you don’t have to worry too much about or check in on because he’s so smart and naturally good at everything.
Da’Monte Williams: Our favorite grandson
Frank Williams is an all-time favorite Illini son.
Alan Griffin: Our rangiest most ‘coach’s son’ son
Since we are on the topic of father-son relationships, Griffin’s father played in the NBA and is currently an assistant coach in the league. He’s technically our most Steph-like son, if anyone is going to be pulling up from way too deep, it will be Griffin.
Aaron Jordan: Our oldest and most loyal son
He’s the oldest in a family of 16 and he’s basically an extra parent (or coach) at this point. He helps make sure everyone’s lunches are packed and everyone knows their defensive rotations.
Tevian Jones: Our most athletic, and highest ceiling-having son
Tevian Jones could be a first-round pick someday. He’s got a long way to go though. He’s like the kid who throws 75 mph in little league when he’s 10 years old. If we can harness this and perfect it, it could be terrifying.
Kipper Nichols: Our most frustrating and most teenage son
Kipper is actually 21. But he’s still the one always getting into trouble. Kipper has so much going for him that sometimes dad picks on him and gives him an extra hard time for his constant tomfoolery.
Anthony Higgs: Our beefiest, most injured and redshirted son
Simply in awe of the size of this neck. If he can get healthy, we could use the size in the front court.
Giorgi Bezhanishvilli: Our funniest and most Eurasian son
Samba Kane: Our tallest and most African son
Kane’s only been playing basketball for a few years. He’s only lived in America for a short time. He speaks five languages. He’s definitely different. It’s like having a bunch of kids who are great at sports, and then one who’s a musical prodigy and trying to make sure the whole family is on the same page and nobody feels left out.
Adonis De La Rosa: Our second-most Dominican son who is also the most likely to also be Drake’s son
I’ve only ever heard of two Adonis’ and they both came this year. ADLR is the second after Pusha T exposed Drake for hiding a child.
Tyler Underwood: Our favorite actual son
Ever sit around and wonder what the Underwood family dinner table is like?
Samson Oladimeji: Our most handsome son
That damn smile.
Drew Cayce: Our most Fortnite playing son
Cayce is always tweeting out links to Twitch streams. Apparently he’s a big gamer, like many sons around the world.
Zach Griffith: Our most forgotten son
I literally forgot to include him and Brandon had to remind me to tack him on.
I can assure you that we will be referring to the players as such throughout the season.
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