WHO’S READY TO GET GRAY?
We’re just a few days away from the #LITTYest tradition in college football: Gray Homecoming! To get you ready, here’s a countdown of the TOP 35 GRAY THINGS!
35. GREY POUPON
Shouldn’t even be on here to be honest; this junk ain’t even gray. It’s more of a slightly pale yellow.
34. PURDUE’S GRAY ALTERNATES FROM LAST YEAR
33. FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
This one will rocket up the list if Purdue enters consensually into a submissive role to Illinois on Saturday.
32. GREYHOUND (THE BUS)
Alright as buses go, but still a bus
31. GREY GOOSE VODKA
Probably overrated at 31, because it always is
30. A KISS FROM A ROSE ON THE GREY
Seal has never been very clear about what exactly this is
29. GRAY GAULDING
The youngest polesitter in NASCAR history hasn’t really found a stable, competitive ride yet
28. GREY STREET
This Dave Matthews song is low on the list because it states that when the colors mix together to grey, it breaks her heart.
Would be more accurate if it instead said “AND IT MAKES HER WANT TO RUN THROUGH A BRICK WALL”
27. GRAYVILLE, IL
All 1700 residents should be in the stands.
26. MARQUEIS GRAY
Started at quarterback for the Golden Gophers for an unremarkable season despite dual-threat athleticism
25. THE GREY LADY
The New York Times remains pretty decent, even if New York is not actually the center of the universe
24. CYRUS GRAY
A pretty effective rusher for Mike Sherman’s Texas A&M Aggies
23. THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY
LET’S GET WILDE THIS WEEKEND
22. GREY TRIGGERFISH
Among the least remarkable tropical fish
21. JUST FOR MEN: TOUCH OF GREY
For when you think a nice blend will make you George Clooney!
20. MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER
His character on Criminal Minds has been through so much traumatic shit that he might as well be an Illinois football fan
19. EARL GREY TEA
Pretty good for Illini fans, because you get energized with a bitter taste in your mouth!
18. JIM GRAY
If he’s done bothering Pete Rose, maybe he can call play by play for our homecoming game
17. GRAYSLAKE, IL
It’s alright I guess
16. SONNY GRAY
Hasn’t done so hot as a Yankee after being Oakland’s ace
15. BEWARE THE GRAY GHOST
Any episode of Batman: The Animated Series will always get high praise from me
14. GREY’S ANATOMY
The Kirk Ferentz of telivision dramas
13. MACY GRAY
Not Nemesis Jaxson
12. JEAN GREY
Her powers would make her the X-Men’s ultimate trump card if they didn’t always accidentally kill someone, or in some continuities, everyone.
11. DICK GRAYSON
The original Robin gets some points off for some bizarre alternate-Earth retconning of his background. Crisis on Infinite Earths was kind of a mess.
10. GREY WHALES
These are among the chillest of whales in that humans boating near them doesn’t phase them. You can get closer to these than most whale species in the wild.
9. GREY WOLVES
They’re America’s wolf. What more do you need to know?
8. THE GREY CUP
The ultimate prize in Canadian football should be what all our players have in their head as they don the Gray
7. GANDALF THE GREY
A wizard who excels at pass defense could be a real asset for the Illini this Saturday
6. LARRY GRAY
University of Illinois jazz bass professor Larry Gray is probably underrated on this list. He’s that good.
5. AFRICAN GREY PARROTS
These parrots have shown the reasoning ability of 6-year-old human children and are incredible vocalists
4. GREYHOUND (THE HOUND)
A very athletic breed, the Greyhound is among the fastest dog breeds. Don’t support greyhound racing, though; they pump dogs full of drugs and abandon them when they’re no longer valuable. Greyhounds have a quietly affectionate temperament and are great therapy dogs. I kind of want one.
3. GREY MATTER
Your brain is made of this. You need it to think, and do other life functions
2. ILLINOIS “GRAY GHOST” UNIFORMS
HERE WE GO! EVERY RECRUIT TO SIGN WITH ILLINOIS SINCE 2014 HAS CITED THESE UNIFORMS AS THE MOST APPEALING THING ILLINOIS HAD TO OFFER THEM.
1. HAROLD “RED” GRAYNGE
NOBODY MADE A GRAY UNIFORM POP QUITE LIKE RED GRAYNGE!