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RANKING THE BEST GRAY THINGS

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HAIL TO THE GRAY

WHO’S READY TO GET GRAY?

We’re just a few days away from the #LITTYest tradition in college football: Gray Homecoming! To get you ready, here’s a countdown of the TOP 35 GRAY THINGS!

35. GREY POUPON

Shouldn’t even be on here to be honest; this junk ain’t even gray. It’s more of a slightly pale yellow.

34. PURDUE’S GRAY ALTERNATES FROM LAST YEAR

NCAA Football: Illinois at Purdue Sandra Dukes-USA TODAY Sports

nahhhhhhhhhh

33. FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

This one will rocket up the list if Purdue enters consensually into a submissive role to Illinois on Saturday.

32. GREYHOUND (THE BUS)

Alright as buses go, but still a bus

31. GREY GOOSE VODKA

Probably overrated at 31, because it always is

30. A KISS FROM A ROSE ON THE GREY

Seal has never been very clear about what exactly this is

29. GRAY GAULDING

The youngest polesitter in NASCAR history hasn’t really found a stable, competitive ride yet

28. GREY STREET

This Dave Matthews song is low on the list because it states that when the colors mix together to grey, it breaks her heart.

Would be more accurate if it instead said “AND IT MAKES HER WANT TO RUN THROUGH A BRICK WALL”

27. GRAYVILLE, IL

All 1700 residents should be in the stands.

26. MARQUEIS GRAY

Started at quarterback for the Golden Gophers for an unremarkable season despite dual-threat athleticism

25. THE GREY LADY

The New York Times remains pretty decent, even if New York is not actually the center of the universe

24. CYRUS GRAY

A pretty effective rusher for Mike Sherman’s Texas A&M Aggies

23. THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY

LET’S GET WILDE THIS WEEKEND

22. GREY TRIGGERFISH

Among the least remarkable tropical fish

21. JUST FOR MEN: TOUCH OF GREY

For when you think a nice blend will make you George Clooney!

20. MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER

His character on Criminal Minds has been through so much traumatic shit that he might as well be an Illinois football fan

19. EARL GREY TEA

Pretty good for Illini fans, because you get energized with a bitter taste in your mouth!

18. JIM GRAY

If he’s done bothering Pete Rose, maybe he can call play by play for our homecoming game

17. GRAYSLAKE, IL

It’s alright I guess

16. SONNY GRAY

Hasn’t done so hot as a Yankee after being Oakland’s ace

15. BEWARE THE GRAY GHOST

Any episode of Batman: The Animated Series will always get high praise from me

14. GREY’S ANATOMY

The Kirk Ferentz of telivision dramas

13. MACY GRAY

Not Nemesis Jaxson

12. JEAN GREY

Her powers would make her the X-Men’s ultimate trump card if they didn’t always accidentally kill someone, or in some continuities, everyone.

11. DICK GRAYSON

The original Robin gets some points off for some bizarre alternate-Earth retconning of his background. Crisis on Infinite Earths was kind of a mess.

10. GREY WHALES

These are among the chillest of whales in that humans boating near them doesn’t phase them. You can get closer to these than most whale species in the wild.

9. GREY WOLVES

They’re America’s wolf. What more do you need to know?

8. THE GREY CUP

The ultimate prize in Canadian football should be what all our players have in their head as they don the Gray

7. GANDALF THE GREY

A wizard who excels at pass defense could be a real asset for the Illini this Saturday

6. LARRY GRAY

University of Illinois jazz bass professor Larry Gray is probably underrated on this list. He’s that good.

5. AFRICAN GREY PARROTS

These parrots have shown the reasoning ability of 6-year-old human children and are incredible vocalists

4. GREYHOUND (THE HOUND)

A very athletic breed, the Greyhound is among the fastest dog breeds. Don’t support greyhound racing, though; they pump dogs full of drugs and abandon them when they’re no longer valuable. Greyhounds have a quietly affectionate temperament and are great therapy dogs. I kind of want one.

3. GREY MATTER

Your brain is made of this. You need it to think, and do other life functions

2. ILLINOIS “GRAY GHOST” UNIFORMS

HERE WE GO! EVERY RECRUIT TO SIGN WITH ILLINOIS SINCE 2014 HAS CITED THESE UNIFORMS AS THE MOST APPEALING THING ILLINOIS HAD TO OFFER THEM.

1. HAROLD “RED” GRAYNGE

NOBODY MADE A GRAY UNIFORM POP QUITE LIKE RED GRAYNGE!