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#AskTCR: Return Of The Mailbag

YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, WE HAVE ANSWERS. THOUGH NOT ALL ANSWERS MAY BE TO THE QUESTIONS YOU WERE ASKING.

By Mark Primiano
This picture has nothing to do with anything.
This picture has nothing to do with anything.
Rob Ferguson-USA TODAY Sports

I would like to open with an apology. It has been over three months since #AskTCR has graced the internet with its loveliness and for that, I am sorry. But we are back.

There are two ways to ask The Champaign Room your questions. You can tweet them at us on Twitter using the hashtag #AskTCR -- it just makes it easier to keep track -- or you can email them to us at mprimia2@gmail.com. And if you've got a personal question and you're worried about your privacy, just tell us. We'll change your name to Tom Crean when we publish it on the site. And remember, you can ask us ANYTHING. It doesn't have to be about Illinois or even sports.

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I missed you so much, Mike. You are beautiful and I hope you never change.

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I don't enjoy hyperbole, but this is going to be a pretty huge year for both John Groce and Tim Beckman. We'll start with basketball. Landing Thorne was massive. We had no one that was going to come close to replacing Nnanna Egwu and that was going to be quite the problem. With how the roster is currently constructed, I see the team finishing in the middle of the Big Ten and making it back to the tournament. Add in a Marcus LoVett or a Dylan Ennis and that prediction improves.

I'm less optimistic about football. A healthy Mike Dudek meant a 4-0 start was possible. I had dreams of watching him and Lunt carve that UNC defense into pieces. But reality and ACL tears are sobering bastards. I'm only seeing 5-6 wins. I would love to be wrong, but I don't think I will be.

Both coaches need to reach the postseason. Groce has a little more rope, but is still on the hot seat. If the football team doesn't go bowling, Beckman will be fired.

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An email from Scott-

What's the most interesting excuse you can come up with the AskTCR hiatus?

Since The Blues Brothers is the first movie I can remember seeing, my go to has always been Jake's laundry list.

But if we're being honest (and I am always honest with you, my beloved readers), burnout was hitting pretty hard. A lackluster basketball season sapped the drive out of all of us. The question well started to dry up and I ran out of ways to respond. I start clinical rotations in two weeks, so I'm not entirely sure how long this renaissance will last. But until it stops, I will be here answering your questions.

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Oh man. The mental images that are coming up with this. My first thought was basketball, since no one would be able to dunk. But you could still shoot jumpers despite being on ice, so that's not an option. I'm going with baseball. It would be awful and hilarious. No one would be able to pitch effectively. Baserunning would be a comedy of errors. It would be the most farcically wonderful sport on the planet and I would watch it for a week before hating everything.

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Things will be quite different in 2090. RoboBeckman will rule over the wasteland formerly known as Central Illinois. Minnesota will have been sold to Canada to help pay off our nation's war debts. Northwestern will no longer exist, as the proletariat wiped them out in the Revolution of 2037.

But rest assured that two things will remain constants in that far off future: Bill Snyder will still be coaching JUCO recruits and hobos to 10 win seasons out in Manhattan and Illinois football will not be relevant.

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As soon as Champaign builds an arena with more seating.

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Four games into conference play. That feels about the time people started turning on Rayvonte, so it just seems appropriate.

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Beckman without a doubt. Joe Biden has restored the proud tradition of the Vice President being a dorky grandpa and I love him. I don't know that he's actually done anything impressive, but he's goofy and weird and that makes me love him. It's a refreshing change from Dick Cheney's soulessness. You could slide Tim right into that role and the entire nation would get to marvel at his loud strangeness. And then we'd be free to steal Fuente.

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LoVett. I want the four years. I would be thrilled if either one joined the program, but I want multiple years of point guardy goodness and that's something Ennis can't give us. Ennis obviously improves the program quicker, but then we still have the problem of no PG waiting in the wings. Do the right thing, Marcus.

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He should buy a copy of Civ 4 so he can play with me and lose so much free time to making the Romans take over the world.

Follow The Champaign Room on Twitter at @Champaign_Room and Like us on Facebook. You can follow Mark Primiano on Twitter at @SBN_UGod.