It's almost time for the second week of the college football season, and that means it's time for the second week of You Bet Your Ass. If you have no idea what You Bet Your Ass is, where the hell were you at last week? If you were here you would know that it's The Champaign Room's weekly gambling competition.
And if you paid attention to last week's picks you would know that Jack Cassidy is beating the shit out of the rest of us so far. Which isn't fair when you consider that Jack was actually born in a casino in Tunica, Mississippi after his mom had found a hot slot machine and refused to leave even after going into labor.
Anyway, if you're wondering how the competition works, here are the rules.
Each participant will bet on every Big Ten game being played that weekend, and they can bet either the point spread or the over/under.
The participant will assign an amount to their bet, which can be either $25, $50 or $100. Each participant is allowed only one $100 bet per week. Everybody starts with a $0 balance, and balances can be negative.
It's not exactly rocket science, so let's get to the picks.
Illinois vs. Cincinnati (-7.5), Over/Under: 54
Fornelli: $25 on Cincinnati -7.5
Primiano: $50 on Cincinnati -7.5
Birkhead: $100 on Cincinnati -7.5
Cassidy: $100 on Cincinnati -7.5
From Primiano: How is this seriously the spread? Did the handicappers not watch the week one games?
Michigan State (-23.5) vs. South Florida, Over/Under: 43.5
Fornelli: $50 on Under 43.5
Primiano: $25 on Under 43.5
Birkhead: $25 on Under 43.5
Cassidy: $25 on South Florida +23.5
From Birkhead: Two bad offense. Don't watch this game. Just don't.
Penn State (-23) vs. Eastern Michigan, Over/Under 48.5
Fornelli: $50 on Penn State -23
Primiano: $50 on Penn State -23
Birkhead: $25 on Penn State -23
Cassidy: $25 on Penn State -23
From Cassidy: I think the Nittany Lions are underrated, but after one week, I really don't know what the hell I'm talking about.
Wisconsin (-45) vs. Tennessee Tech, Over/Under: NA
Fornelli: $25 on Wisconsin -45
Primiano: $25 on Tennessee Tech +45
Birkhead: $25 on Wisconsin -45
Cassidy: $25 on Wisconsin -45
From Fornelli: First UMass, now Tennessee Tech. Don't over-exert yourself, Wisconsin.
Iowa (-24) vs. Missouri State, Over/Under: NA
Fornelli: $25 on Iowa -24
Primiano: $25 on Iowa -24
Birkhead: $25 on Iowa -24
Cassidy: $25 on Missouri State +24
From Cassidy: Hell, why not?
Purdue (-17) vs. Indiana State, Over/Under: NA
Fornelli: $25 on Purdue -17
Primiano: $25 on Indiana State +17
Birkhead: $25 on Purdue -17
Cassidy: $50 on Purdue -17
From Primiano: Fuck it, I'm doubling down on Indiana State.
Ohio State (-28) vs. San Diego State, Over/Under: 53.5
Fornelli: $25 on Over 53.5
Primiano: $50 on Ohio State -28
Birkhead: $50 on Over 53.5
Cassidy: $25 on Over 53.5
From Birkhead: Ohio State scores a lot and gets scored on a lot.
Northwestern (-12) vs Syracuse, Over/Under: 57
Fornelli: $25 on Northwestern -12
Primiano: $25 on Syracuse +12
Birkhead: $50 on Under 57
Cassidy: $50 on Northwestern -12
From Birkhead: I just can't see any way this game is high scoring. Yes it's Northwestern, but they may have Colter out, and Syracuse isn't exactly an offensive juggernaut.
Indiana (-13) vs Navy, Over/Under: 67
Fornelli: $25 on Navy +13
Primiano: $25 on Navy +13
Birkhead: $50 on Indiana -13
Cassidy: $25 on Navy +13
From Primiano: Because I still love America.
Nebraska (-28.5) vs. Southern Miss, Over/Under: 59.5
Fornelli: $25 on Southern Miss +28.5
Primiano: $25 on Over 59.5
Birkhead: $25 on Over 59.5
Cassidy: $25 on Nebraska -28.5
From Fornelli: Nebraska's defense. It is what the French call "fucking terrible."
New Mexico State vs Minnesota (-16.5), Over/Under: 51
Fornelli: $25 on Minnesota -16.5
Primiano: $25 on Minnesota -16.5
Birkhead: $25 on Under 51
Cassidy: $25 on Minnesota -16.5
From Fornelli: Forget the bet, I'll give somebody $25 if they can explain to me what the fuck Minnesota is doing playing a road game against New Mexico State.
Michigan (-3.5) vs. Notre Dame, Over/Under: 51
Fornelli: $100 on Under 51
Primiano: $50 on Michigan -3.5
Birkhead: $50 on Under 51
Cassidy: $50 on Notre Dame +3.5
From Cassidy: Getting stomped by Alabama is no reason to overlook Notre Dame. Plenty of teams get stomped by Alabama. If you aren't in the SEC, it's not a big deal. Plus, Ann Arbor is a whore, amirite?!
Money On The Line This Week
Season Record (Bankroll)
1. Cassidy 8-4 ($300)
2. Birkhead 6-6 ($100)
3. Primiano 6-6 (-$25)
4. Fornelli 5-7 (-$75)