Sunday morning was a rough morning for Northwestern fans. That's when the news broke that USC had fired Lane Kiffin, and that meant the clock on Pat Fitzgerald leaving Northwestern to take the USC job began ticking. Everybody has known it was coming, but Northwestern fans were at least hoping to enjoy the entire 2013 season before losing their head coach.
Now it's only a matter of time.
According to a made up source who is most definitely not Northwestern head coach Pat Fitzgerald, Pat Fitzgerald is planning on leaving Evanston to take over Los Angeles' Pac-12 Team.
"I'm totally going to take that job," said this made up source who is not Pat Fitzgerald. "I mean, are you kidding me? I love Northwestern, and this school means the world to me, but here we're just hoping to win bowl games. At USC we'll be trying to win national championships.
"Plus it won't cost me nearly as much money to land top recruits there as it does here."
According to that same source, this is the perfect time for USC to have fired Kiffin and move in on Fitzgerald.
"Think about it, Gameday is coming to Evanston this week," said not Pat Fitzgerald. "That means I'm going to be doing interviews all week and on Saturday morning the entire country will see ESPN promoting what an amazing job I've done here, and they'll all call me one of the best young coaches in the country. All that shit. And I'll agree with all of it while being humble and deflecting the praise.
"USC will be watching and think to itself 'that's the guy we need, but he'd never leave Northwestern without a Brinks truck full of cash. And Song Girls. He's going to need cash and Song Girls. Let's offer him cash and Song Girls.' Little will they know I'd settle for the Song Girls and the Song Girls alone."
When asked what he thought the odds were that Pat Fitzgerald would end up at USC next season our made up source who is most certainly not Pat Fitzgerald said "oh there's about a 500% chance I'm taking that job."
Stay tuned, Northwestern fans.
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