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We've got another weekend of college football in the books, and my god was it filled with some insanity. We saw Alabama give up 628 yards of offense and win. We saw UCLA score like a million straight points in Lincoln while simultaneously ripping out the heart of every red-clad Husker fan in Memorial Stadium. We saw Mack Brown take one step closer to retirement at Texas.
And we saw this.
Whatever the fuck it was.
And now, after all the dust has settled and I've entered the numbers into The Champaign Room Machine, we have a new Top 40. So let's get to it.
1. Alabama
Here's a fun stat for you that should scream SAMPLE SIZE to you upon reading it. Alabama's defense is currently ranked No. 86 in total defense at 420 yards per game and No. 105 in yards per play against at 6.46. IT'S TIME FOR SABAN TO GO, PAWWWWL.
2. Florida State
The Seminoles just abused Nevada on Saturday and I don't believe Bethune Cookman will present as large a problem for the Seminoles as it did for Ron Turner.
3. UCLA
I know Nebraska fans are freaking out after Saturday's game, and I understand so, but here's one thing I don't think Nebraska fans are considering. UCLA is just a better team than Nebraska is. It got off to a slow start because of the start time, but once it woke up, it was over.
4. Oregon
The Ducks were ranked No. 13 in last week's Top 40. Obliterating Tennessee goes a long way.
5. LSU
LSU goes out and beats Kent State by 32 and yet it falls two spots because it played Kent State and not Nebraska or Tennessee. But I like to think of that as revenge for not covering the spread. No, I'm not bitter about my 6-12 record this week in the CBS Expert Picks. Why do you ask?
6. Ohio State
BENCH BRAXTON MILLER FOR THIS KENNY GUITON GUY.
7. Clemson
I have nothing to say about Clemson because Clemson didn't play this week. Though it is playing at North Carolina State on Thursday night and Clemson may want to ask Florida State about what can happen when you're a national title contender playing in Raleigh on a Thursday night.
8. Washington
The Huskies completely outplayed the Illini on Saturday but only won by 10 points thanks to penalties and turnovers. I wouldn't say this team is going to win the Pac-12 North, but I will say that Oregon and Stanford are no longer the only options there.
9. Northwestern
Northwestern got off to a slow start against a very bad team, but it got its shit together in time. Though I will say the Wildcats may want to break out a second tarp with Maine coming to town this weekend.
10. Miami
Miami takes a week off and climbs into the top ten. They just practiced really well I guess.
11. Stanford
12. Oklahoma
13. Michigan
Oh man can you imagine if Michigan had lost at home to Akron? I know plenty of people were comparing it to Appalachian State while the possibility existed, but that's not really a fair comparison. Appalachian State was a far better team than Akron.
14. Louisville
15. Oklahoma State
16. UCF
I mentioned it on this week's Rewind Podcast over at Eye on College Football, but I think Central Florida beating Penn State in Happy Valley says a lot more about the Knights than it does the Nittany Lions. This team is good, and it's the biggest obstacle in Louisville's way in the American Athletic Conference.
17. Texas A&M
I tweeted this on Saturday, but I loved all the tweets I got from Alabama fans essentially saying "WOOOO, WE PUT THAT JOHNNY MANZIEL IN HIS PLACE! WOO! WE SHUT HIM DOWN!!!! HE SUCKS!!" The dude had 562 yards of total offense and five touchdowns against you. You didn't shut down shit. You just outscored it.
18. Georgia Tech
19. Texas Tech
All I'm going to say about Texas Tech being in the top 20 is that I've seen Texas Tech play twice now this season and Texas Tech will not be in the top 20 for long.
20. Maryland
B1G! B1G! B1G!
21. Baylor
22. Ole Miss
23. Arizona
24. Arizona State
I know people are going to tell you that you stole a victory on Saturday night, but you should ignore them. Considering how ridiculous the end of that game was we all know that Wisconsin would have just missed the field goal anyway.
25. Auburn
26. Northern Illinois
27. Arkansas
28. Georgia
29. Michigan State
Michigan State scored 55 points on Saturday, which means it only has four more touchdowns left to spread throughout the season. Piss-poor touchdown management if you ask me.
30. Minnesota
Listen, I'm not going to tell Jerry Kill how to live his life, but it's just not worth it, Jerry. It really isn't.
31. South Carolina
32. Fresno State
33. Navy
34. Missouri
35. Notre Dame
Way to have to comeback in the fourth quarter against a terrible Purdue team.
36. Houston
37. North Carolina State
38. Texas State
39. Wisconsin
Consider it karma for running up the score all those times when Bielema was running shit.
40. Colorado
Just Outside: USC, Wyoming, Kansas State, Utah State, East Carolina
And Illinois?: Ranked 58th
And there you go, there's your Top 40. The Illini fell sixteen spots and deservedly so. Yes, they lost by 10 points to a team ranked in the top 10 of these rankings, but they also played like complete ass while doing so. That team we saw on Saturday looked like a team that should be ranked No. 58 right now.
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