All right, Champaigniacs, as difficult as it will be to do, the time has come for all of us to unite and cancel our subscriptions to Cosmopolitan magazine. I know, I know. I said it's going to be difficult. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through life without knowing the secrets to becoming a sex genius or learning what sex is like for me, but life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, and damn it, this is one of them.
For you see, Cosmo has slighted our beloved Illini.
The magazine released its list of the HOTTEST GUYS of March Madness, and there are five representatives from the Big Ten, but none of them are Illini.
The five HOT GUYS are Trey Burke, Aaron Craft's rosy cheeks, Keith Appling, Fucking Will Sheehey and, somehow, Wisconsin's Sideshow Mike Bruesewitz.
That's right, Mike Bruesewitz is considered HOT. Hotter than any player on the Illini.
Now, while I'm not exactly an expert on HOT GUY -- my soon to be cancelled Cosmo subscription can only do so much -- I have a hard time believing there aren't some Illini hotter than Sideshow Bob. I mean, Mike LaTulip is fucking adorable, you guys.
So cancel your subscriptions, and let's hope the Illini can use this snub as motivation for tomorrow's game against Colorado.
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