How Illinois Wins The Big Ten This Year

How good is Big Ten football right now? Well, as I wrote about at CBSSports.com earlier this week, Indiana just won its first Big Ten game in a year and the Hoosiers are alive and well in the Big Ten title race because of it. Then there's Illinois, which has now gone an entire calendar year without winning a Big Ten game itself.

And the Illini are still alive in the Leaders Division as well. The same Illini that are currently 0-4 in Big Ten play. So how could it happen? Let's find out!

CURRENT STANDINGS

Ohio State 5-0
Penn State 3-1
Wisconsin 3-2
Indiana 1-3
Purdue 0-4
Ilinois 0-4

NOVEMBER 3RD GAMES

Iowa beats Indiana
Penn State beats Purdue
Illinois beats Ohio State

NOVEMBER 4TH STANDINGS

Ohio State 5-1
Penn State 4-1
Wisconsin 3-2
Indiana 1-4
Illinois 1-4
Purdue 0-5

NOVEMBER 10TH GAMES

Indiana beats Wisconsin
Iowa beats Purdue
Nebraska beats Penn State
Illinois beats Minnesota

NOVEMBER 11TH STANDINGS

Ohio State 5-1
Penn State 4-2
Wisconsin 3-3
Indiana 2-4
Illinois 2-4
Purdue 0-6

NOVEMBER 17TH GAMES

Penn State beats Indiana
Ohio State beats Wisconsin
Illinois beats Purdue

NOVEMBER 18TH STANDINGS

Ohio State 6-1
Penn State 5-2
Wisconsin 3-4
Illinois 3-4
Indiana 2-5
Purdue 0-7

NOVEMBER 24TH GAMES

Penn State beats Wisconsin
Purdue beats Indiana
Ohio State beats Michigan
Illinois beats Northwestern

FINAL BIG TEN LEADERS DIVISION STANDINGS

Ohio State 7-1
Penn State 6-2
Illinois 4-4
Wisconsin 3-5
Indiana 2-6
Purdue 1-7

As we all know, Ohio State and Penn State aren't eligible to play in the Big Ten Championship Game which means our Illini, at 4-4 in the conference and 6-6 on the season, head to Indianapolis to take on Nebraska. The Illini then ride the momentum of their four-game win streak to upset the Cornhuskers and head to Pasadena for the Rose Bowl.

Once there the Illini get revenge on USC -- Pac-12 champ Oregon is in the title game, and the Rose Bowl selected the Trojans to replace it -- for the 2008 Rose Bowl winning 45-7. Illinois celebrates its first Rose Bowl victory since 1964 by giving Tim Beckman a 10-year contract extension and raise.

The Illini then go 10-50 over the next five seasons before firing Tim Beckman.

I have seen the future, ladies and gentlemen. And it is awesome. For a few months anyway. Then it's fucking terrible.