Pizza In Central Illinois Just Isn't Worth It

In which we Champaigniacs show our more chivalrous side.

So an interesting little Champaign related blip popped up on Deadspin last night. If you can't access that link for whatever reason, I'll do my best to summarize the article.

Campustown's worst pizza shop, Drew's Pizza, seems to accept an alternate form of currency as payment for their incredibly lackluster product.

That currency is boobs.

Apparently that's a thing. Which is just really sad in at least three ways I can think of with little effort.

The first? These (I'm assuming) male college age employees are in that dire of straits in regards to seeing boobs that they have to offer a pizza worse than Jack's to drunk girls in order to see some? I remember being young and desperate and completely lacking in game, but this just seems sad and a terrible business practice.

Secondly, there is no pizza anywhere in central Illinois worth getting naked for. I'm sorry, there just isn't. Not Papa Del's, not my beloved and no longer existing Prime Time, not Monical's (no matter what you weird central Illinois natives think, that place is awful), and sure as hell not Drew's.

And the worst?

I used to be a decently shitty young man in undergrad. We've talked about some things I'm not entirely proud of on here. And while I've never been the "show me your bewbs!" type, there is a distinct history of being kind of a dick to girls, especially those not interested in me. Not proud of it, but our pasts are our pasts.

Thing is, you get a bit older, you stop acting like a dumbass, and you want to go back and shake your past self silly. But you can't. That sort of technology doesn't exist yet and even if it did, the repercussions would be deadly. So the next best thing you can do is try to offer advice to those younger than you (Mark, you're 25, you're not a sage).

Guys, don't be douchebags. It's literally that simple. Have some respect for yourself and the girls you're trying to get with.

Girls, value yourself more than the $11 that shitty pizza would have cost.

And everyone? Go get better drunk food than Drew's.

Follow The Champaign Room on Twitter at @Champaign_Room and Like us on Facebook. You can follow Mark Primiano on Twitter at @SSS_UGod.

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join The Champaign Room

You must be a member of The Champaign Room to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at The Champaign Room. You should read them.

Join The Champaign Room

You must be a member of The Champaign Room to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at The Champaign Room. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.