Although I was raised as a Catholic, I am not a religious person. I was only 12 years old when I made a convincing enough argument to my mother that she actually stopped forcing me to go to church with her every weekend. The deal was I'd be confirmed by the church and after that I was free to do whatever the hell I liked.
Of course, while I've long had my troubles with organized religion, that doesn't mean there aren't a few things that this world has produced because of it that I'm not a huge fan of.
No priest was ever able to convince me that Jesus Christ actually came back to life after being crucified, but because Christians wanted to believe the story the holiday of Easter was created, and here in the United States Easter provided parents with another reason to reward their children with candy.
One of these candies has helped make Easter my favorite holiday. Sure, Christmas was great as a kid when I'd be showered with gifts, but I've long outgrown the usefulness of that. I can still eat candy, though, and every spring when Easter approaches Americans are blessed with the Cadbury Creme Egg.
A delicious concoction that is nothing but a hollow chocolate egg filled with white and yellow fondant to actually simulate the sensation that you are eating a delectable bird fetus. Oh how I long for when these eggs find their way to local grocery and drug stores every winter.
But therein lies the problem. Cadbury Creme Eggs are only available seasonally (Much like the McRib sandwich, with the difference being that Cadbury doesn't pretend that what's in the creme egg is a real animal like McDonalds does, and the diabetes the eggs will eventually lead to is a much slower death than the artery clogging meat-like substance that is the McRib).
And this just shouldn't be the case.
This is America, god damn it. Land of the free and home of the brave. Why should we, as Americans, allow ourselves to be denied the greatness that is the Cadbury Creme Egg for roughly three quarters of the calendar year? I'm pretty sure we've gone to war for lesser reasons.
So with liberty in mind, I'd like to ask you to join my cause. I've created a petition through the White House website to force Cadbury Creme Eggs to be sold year-round and I encourage each and every one of you to sign it.
Don't let Jesus' death and resurrection be in vain.