You Bet Your Ass: Week 14

Just imagine that I thought of a hilarious joke here that incorporated gambling and Thanksgiving. There you go. Tilt your head back and laugh. And if somebody asks you what's so funny just tell them they wouldn't understand. That way you can devalue their feelings, and that's what the holidays are all about.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. We've got plenty of Big Ten picks for you to celebrate, though, honestly, it looks like only one of us is really going to be doing any celebrating. It's the last week of the Big Ten's regular season, and though there's a Big Ten Championship Game to be played next week and seven bowl games are so, the truth is it's going to be tough to catch Cassidy at this point.

We're going to need a Thanksgiving miracle. Or we'll just need Cassidy to go 0-6. I'll take either, really. I'm not picky.

If you don't know how You Bet Your Ass works yet, well, way to wait til the last week of the regular season to find out. Do you just show up to movies to see the final scene? Ya weirdo. Anyway, here's the rules.

Each participant will bet on every Big Ten game being played that weekend, and they can bet either the point spread or the over/under.

The participant will assign an amount to their bet, which can be either $25, $50 or $100. Each participant is allowed only one $100 bet per week. Everybody starts with a $0 balance, and balances can be negative.

And now, the games.

Iowa at Nebraska (-3), Over/Under: 48

Fornelli: $50 on Under 48

Primiano: $25 on Nebraska -3

Birkhead: $25 on Iowa +3

Cassidy: $50 on Nebraska -3

From Birkhead: When you can play a little defense and run the ball, you can beat Nebraska. Iowa can do both.

From Cassidy: Eight, probably nine wins--plus a bowl--gets your head coach on the hot seat in Nebraska. Ha. Ha! HAHA!

Minnesota at Michigan State (-14.5), Over/Under: 41

Fornelli: $50 on Under 41

Primiano: $50 on Michigan State -14.5

Birkhead: $25 on Michigan State -14.5

Cassidy: $100 on Over 41

From Primiano: Minnesota has had a nice eight-win season, but unless they win a bowl game it's going to stay just that.

From Fornelli: Last week Minnesota only managed to score seven points against Wisconsin at home. And those seven points came on an interception return. So now the Gophers offense gets Michigan State.

Ohio State (-14.5) at Michigan, Over/Under: 61

Fornelli: $100 on Ohio State -14.5

Primiano: $50 on Ohio State -14.5

Birkhead: $100 on Ohio State -14.5

Cassidy: $25 on Ohio State -14.5

From Cassidy: TITANS CLASH WHEN OSU AND MICHIGAN WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER OF THIS STORIED RIVALRY and Urban Meyer nut punches Hoke and wins.

From Fornelli: It says a lot about these two teams this season that when I saw the spread was under 21 points I was actually caught by surprise.

Purdue at Indiana (-21), Over/Under: 66

Fornelli: $50 on Indiana -21

Primiano: $25 on Under 66

Birkhead: $50 on Indiana -21

Cassidy: $25 on Purdue +21

From Birkhead: The Illini basically handed Purdue last week's game and they still lost.

From Fornelli: I have no faith in Indiana in this game, but I don't have any faith in Purdue either, so I have no idea. Frankly they can both go to hell.

Penn State at Wisconsin (-24), Over/Under: 49

Fornelli: $50 on Wisconsin -24

Primiano: $50 on Over 49

Birkhead: $50 on Under 49

Cassidy: $25 on Wisconsin -24

From Primiano: The Badgers aren't going to a BCS bowl and should be angry about it. Penn State gets to try and deal with that.

From Birkhead: I think it is stupid how people are still on the "The Big Ten is awful at football" train. Yes, we are clearly behind the Pac 12 and the SEC, but the Big Ten has Wisconsin as the third best team. Wisconsin. The Big Ten is more than okay at football.

Northwestern (-3.5) at Illinois, Over/Under: 54.5

Fornelli: $50 on Illinois +3.5

Primiano: $25 on Illinois +3.5

Birkhead: $50 on Over 54.5

Cassidy: $25 on Illinois +3.5

From Primiano: I'm not saying Tim Beckman has completely turned things around, but the Illini season can't be described as "a free fall from a foolishly overestimated summit" the way Northwestern's can.

From Cassidy: Well here's our Super Bowl, dammit, so knock yourself out, Beckman. Win the game, get the Gatorade shower, turn quickly into the pour (because you're a jittery son of a bitch), hit your head on the jug, and literally knock yourself out. It's the perfect ending.

Money On The Line This Week

Fornelli: $350

Primiano: $225

Birkhead: $300

Cassidy: $250

Standings (Last Week)

1. Cassidy 52-38, $775 (5-1, $225)

2. Primiano 49-41, $550 (4-2, $125)

3. Fornelli 48-42, $225 (4-2, -$50)

4. Birkhead 46-44, $350 (2-4, -$100)

Follow The Champaign Room on Twitter at @Champaign_Room and Like us on Facebook. You can follow Tom Fornelli on Twitter at @TomFornelli.

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