Rick Osentoski-US PRESSWIRE
I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being mistreated by the Big Ten!
Illinois' leadership is, well, to be polite, stupid. They don't know how to lead anything. How else could you explain the decision to fire a great coach like Ron Zook and replace him with a younger Ron Zook in Tim Beckman? What the leadership of this school needs is somebody with ideas that can actually help this athletic department get back to where it belongs.
And the Big Ten is certainly not where Illinois belongs. Every year the Big Ten forces us to take that $24 million check and cash it. "Take our money and spend it as you please!" demands the Big Ten, never letting you read the fine print that says "Your soul now belongs to the Big Ten."
It's time we got our soul back. It's time we stood up for ourselves and stopped letting the other institutions of the Big Ten kick us around.
We just lost at home to Indiana and Minnesota, you guys! Indiana and Minnesota! They're the two biggest pussies in the school!
And the only place to get our soul back is in the MAC. The MAC loves all and treats all with respect. We've talked about it as a fan base for years now, whispering about it behind closed doors so the evil Big Ten wouldn't hear us.
A move to the MAC would bring all Illini together, and it would give us different places to travel to as well. I mean, wouldn't you rather travel to the majestic metropolis of Buffalo than State College? Wouldn't you rather play for a conference title in Detroit than Indianapolis? Of course you would, and in the MAC you could do just that.
It would also allow us to rekindle our great rivalry with Northern Illinois. We all know this whole Northwestern rivalry is a farce. Nobody has ever given a shit about Northwestern, and nobody ever will give a shit about Northwestern. But Northern Illinois? Just the mention of the word DeKalb makes my blood boil!
And of course the MAC would love to have us. What with our 45,000 fans showing up to football games every Saturday. We are the Moby Dick to the MAC's Ahab.
Most importantly, we might be able to win in the MAC, and isn't this what it's really all about? When it comes down to it, what is the actual difference between the Rose Bowl and the Little Caesar's Pizza Bowl? I sure as hell can't tell.
So let's do this, Illinois. For ourselves, for the MAC, and most of all, for our souls.
It's time to rise up and break the shackles of the giant checks the Big Ten feeds us!
If you are very confused right now, I'm sorry, but read this and maybe you'll get it.